Gifts.

Amongst the living and still I mange to exist in between the physical and spiritual worlds. Go too far into either and you begin to lose who you are as a person. I rather not talk. No one ever really understands the urgency of your words when you need confirmation that you're still alive. They never know how deep it goes, they just believe you are less important the weaker you appear. These are people far more lost than you are. They need you to be strong so they can be themselves. That's the sacrifice.
Amongst the dead and I still manage to understand them all too well. They are me. The other side. The side no one sees but might hear. Created by an unsettled mind that was built to accept everything and see what they cannot. Something listens for me. Too naive to believe yet that I am worthy of gifts when I got this far without them. Too connected to believe I am gifted when I am only doing what I'm suppose to. Too alone to deny that I can do it all by myself. Too sensitive to watch someone suffer. Don't speak, always listen.

Sim City.

Who am I? Who are these people around me? How did I get here? How did 21 years go by so fast? Man I hate time. It's all I have. I don't even think time exists, only day and night. The past, present and future is all the same. I no longer believe everything happens for a reason. That would only work if you were the center of the universe. You choose. People choose. In love they choose you or they don't. In friendship people choose. Its all about choices. I don't think I've ever made a choice. I tried and failed many times with always the same outcome. What is it about my choices? How come I have watched everyone make choices involving me and I can only watch? It makes me feel like a mere ghost. People can't see me. They don't know I'm alive. Can YOU see me? Or are you too afraid to? Whatever the case may be the spiritual world sees me. They powered me up & made me blend in with the non believers. The ones who Believe In Me know what I mean. Never doubt me.

Revolving Doors.

These nights feel deserted. Or maybe everybody just left you. No, they never came at all. & if they did, for all the wrong reasons. One of the hardest things to do is to show a stranger who you really are. If they understand, once you let them enter your world everything changes. The emptiness goes away. Everything you have ever wanted unfolds right before your eyes. You are connected to someone who is real, & when I say real I mean Alive. You feel as though you are living and no longer surviving. Like you belong here. But there is a catch. This newly found powerful energy can be ripped from your grasp at any moment without warning. Can you watch it just leave? No, you fight. Even when you can't. Even after the truth stares at you and smiles. Even after the words have killed something inside of you. You have to try. But There's nothing you can do. Why? Because they don't understand enough to know how it affects you. The tears, the suicidal thoughts, the feeling of everything you have ever believed in being a lie. They don't care, but they do. It all happens so quickly. Its over. Over because they never knew you. They don't know you, they don't even remember you now. They don't care if you exist any longer. Because they don't understand. You'll question if you are Alive again & again. It wasn't meant to be. Why me?

Soul Mate.

I'm always waiting for something to find me. Not success. There's things I want more than being successful. Its hard for me to enjoy things because most of the time I feel incomplete. Like someone is suppose to be here with me. Not a friend or a family member, but a soul whos been waiting for the same thing as me. Although I'm waiting, I'm still always searching. I'm not talking about love. This is deeper than love. This is destiny. I KNOW ill find it because even when all hope is lost, I feel me getting closer. This is not something I just want, this is something that is suppose to happen. Everything before right now was wrong. My mind has steered me wrong, my heart has steered me wrong, but the two things that have always steered me right are my soul and my guardians. I have help here. In physical form and the spiritual. They tell me you're coming. Find me, I want to be where you are..

Lucidity

"Ares! Ares! Wake up we made it!" I opened my eyes and I was here. When I looked around I didn't see anyone. Something definitely woke me up. I tried to adjust my eyes. I was standing outside in what looked like a back yard. A big back yard. Everything was glowing. I looked at my palms and they were glowing also. I spun around and sure enough I was alive and aware. I belonged here. I wasn't sleeping. If I was I didn't want to wake up. I die twice everyday. When I go to sleep and when I wake up. Going to sleep in the easier death. It brings me to the place that connects our world with the spiritual realm. A constant thing to look forward to. You never know what you might experience but its always different. Humans haven't destroyed the spiritual realm. It will always be safe. Waking up on the other hand is the unwanted death. This world only glows when you smoke a certain leaf that puts you in the same state of mind of everything you see when you're asleep. Me and that leaf collide. I have trouble accepting the fact that I exist so it overides my mind now. It does in fact give this place the same glow as when you are consciously dreaming. Complete control of yourself AND others. That power got taken away from me. I don't need it anymore. I learned everything I needed to learn from it already.

The Human Vulnerability

Anger. Why am I so angry? Because I am actually not an angry person. Only when I come in contact with humans. Alone I feel peace. I make art. Alone I understand. I'm alone until the interference comes into the picture. Voices who are not my own around me. I pick up their energy. I know who they are. If they pick up my energy they know who I am too. But if they pick up energy though words I will be a mystery to them. The humans who are close to my heart, we don't need to speak. We know. Feels like we known forever. Known what? That feeling of knowing you are connected to a person in ways beyond the senses. But not everybody knows me. I'm angry because I am judged by what I do not say to humans. Already jugded before I speak so the first impression stays as who I am, to them. I guess it makes them think they know all my vulnerabilities. But when they don't think twice I'm always thinking. Thinking of every possibility. Thinking of how i can guide the lost human in front of me to finding themselve. The imperfect human with the most beautiful flaws. I dont judge, just Aware of how humans feel about thrmelves. I can help. But some humans choose not to listen to me. But like how I never listened to my mother, big mistake. She was always right.

Aware.

Somewhere we stopped believing. All it took was one human to convince others not to believe in things they cannot see. But I've always felt. One day at my grandma's house I realized everything is normal. Things labeled as paranormal are normal. There's not suppose to be anything magical about it. It's just suppose to be normal. The people who run this place know exactly what it is. They're scared of it because they have no control of it. A mind and a soul is a dangerous thing. A mind is dangerous to even yourself because you are not your mind, Your soul reads it. If you have thoughts, how do you know you have thoughts? Because YOU are reading them. Your thoughts can attack you and others. If you know you have a soul and develop it for the good of yourself and others, there is nothing that can stop that kind of power. NOTHING. The universe will ALWAYS help you. They know who you are just like you know who they are. Unconditional love and protection. Although I spend most of my time alone, I feel alone until I realize I will never be alone. The higher powers are watching.